The last day of January, the insomnia month.

So here I sit, in an apartment that’s just a little too cold. Our heating is a bit flighty though, as if it’s on more than it is now, my apartment becomes tropical. I prefer the cold when I’m just lounging. I’m currently petsitting for a friend, so I’ve got two adorable finches hanging out on top of my dining room table, chirping up a storm and eating millet. They’re always a joy to watch, it’s like I’m in a hair salon with a bunch of delightfully catty women.

So today is the last day of January ’13. I guess it technically was in the last blog I posted but that was at 3am, so it’s not quite the same. I thought that this would be an amazing month because it was the start of a new year. What is it with the idea that a new year means a new start? Couldn’t you make your new start any time? I used to make New Years resolutions like a motherbitch, but I don’t anymore. I set goals when I feel they’re necessary, and I do everything I can to stick to them.

But back to January. This has been a very difficult month for me as I’ve been rocking some intense insomnia. I’m not talking about “oh, I can’t really fall asleep lol but it’s okay I got 8 hours still.” Until the last two days, I had not fallen asleep before 6am. I would try, but I was barraged with anxious and speedy thoughts and my heart rate met up with these thoughts until I was pulsing with panic attacks. There are a number of reasons for these thoughts, which I’ll save for a later entry, but I was miserable.

A few nights ago, I decided to make a change. Everyone’s read that story where someone describes their “breaking point” and they’re filled with a montage of changing their life and making it better. That was me. I had fallen asleep the “night” prior at 7:30am, listening to the morning commuters making their way to the 152 bus. I woke up several times during the morning until I finally resolved myself to get out of bed at 3:30pm, feeling miserable. I felt physically ill, dizzy, and slightly crazy. I forced myself to have a lunch of grits and toast, and then I set into action.

I printed out worksheets for insomniacs.
I cleaned my bedroom from top to bottom and washed the sheets.
I threw out all the bottles of Coke (caffeine is my friend and my enemy.)
I read through my meditation books and anxiety self-help workbooks.
I didn’t watch any tv or do anything on my computer/phone before bed.
I took the hottest, mintiest bath I could stand.

I am one of those people who feels better after cleaning and organizing. It makes me feel like I’m actually making progress, even if I’m still right where I was. This probably contributed to how I slept this night.

I laid down at 2:45, even though I wasn’t that tired. I didn’t play Solitaire on my bright-ass phone, I didn’t watch The Simpsons on a sleep timer, I just laid down with my fiance and my stuffed bunnies.

I fell asleep by 3:45. I woke up the next day at 12:30 and felt like I’d undergone some sort of magical procedure. I wanted to sing “Age of Aquarius” at the top of my lungs.

Last night, I fell asleep at 4:30am or so. I woke up at 9:30am when my fiance was on his way to school, but I stayed up for a while, ate some breakfast, and pondered the sunshine. I fell back asleep and woke up at 2:30pm and felt even more magical than the day before.

(I have to put a plug in here. I bought an app called “Don’t Panic” and play it to relax. It’s insanely wonderful and puts me in such a calm state. Look that shit up.)

My goal for February is to yoga everyday. I’m part of a group online whose tagline is “yoga every damn day”: Today is just day 2 of my challenge, but I adore yoga and I’m ready to do this.

So here’s to February. I’m going to rock the fuck out of this month with yoga, calming apps on my iPhone, and my bunny Trouble. Trouble says hi.Image

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