On a touchscreen.

I was going to write about how awful these past two weeks have been. And they have been. Arguably the most painful and numbing moments of my adult life took place in these days.
But I’m not going to.
After reading two of my friends’ blogs about tea and bookmarks, I want to write about something positive and lovely.
On Friday evening, after watching the Olympic opening ceremony with friends, I came home and immediately took a scalding hot bath. I’d been working all day and then in traffic before finally making it to Emily’s for the Olympics. When I walked into my apartment at 11pm, I was ready to pass out.
After my bath, I grabbed my big comforter and relaxed on the couch. James was out of town for the night, so it was just me and the bunny.
I fell asleep at midnight. That’s pretty early for me.
I have not slept more soundly or peacefully than I did for the four hours I was asleep on the couch.
I woke up at 4am, warm and soft. My silky pants fit my sleeping body perfectly, and the couch gently yet firmly cradled me.
I felt like a child, being held by my mother.
I moved slowly to the bed and downed two coffee cups of water.
As I lay back down, to sleep for what would miraculously be another 11 hours, I felt more calm than I have in years. And I mean years.
I had no fear.
I had no racing thoughts.
I had no silly thoughts, second guessing myself.
My body was completely at peace, and so was I.
I briefly wondered if this is what nirvana felt like. Before I could answer, I fell asleep.
I’m crying as I write this, but not out of sadness. I’m crying because I now know that I can feel that level of peace within myself. This utter collapse and exhaustion came from the worst moments in many years, but I did not fall apart. I rose to the occasion. I was stronger than I have ever been.
And my reward was blissful rejuvenation.
So thank you, body. Thank you, mind.
I pushed you to the brink of breakdown, and you not only survived, you rewarded me with tranquility.
I will remember this feeling. I will use it to make me even stronger, so I may have those moments of self-love and self-repair.
Because I’m only 25. And I plan to live to be 100.

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