wedding | scribomaniac

Remember when I had time to blog?

Posted on May 7, 2014 by modernclassic13

Yeah, those were simpler times. Even as I write this, I’m using my planning period.

So good news: teaching hasn’t killed me yet or ruined my soul. Yay!

Thumbs up.

I have had a pretty hard time adjusting to this, I won’t lie. I do the work of two teachers: I’m a writing teacher, and I’m a resource teacher. A resource teacher works with kids who are failing. Specifically, I work with freshmen. Part of me feels for them. It’s their first year of high school, which can be scary enough. And this school has some very strict policies. There are some policies I don’t know about…
But, at the same time, a lot of these kids just don’t seem to value grades. I think a lot of them think they can scrape by with Ds, and they’ll make it through high school just fine. That’s not the case, though, as we all know. A lot of these kids have Fs, and they’re not high Fs: they’re 40% or lower.
That’s not good.
I’m really brainstorming how I can make it easier for these kids. I only have six weeks to work with them, which is very little time indeed. So what do I do? A few are being “retained”, meaning they’re not even moving on to sophomore year.
I hope hope hope I get a job here next year, because I feel there are some really kickass policies and interventions we could be implementing to make sure these kids succeed.
The writing part of the curriculum has had me stressing, though. I haven’t been given any help or curriculum, so I’m basically winging it. I don’t know what to do! I’ve asked for help, I’ve tried my best, but no one has checked on me, had a talk with me, or even seen me in action. To them, I might as well not be here!
I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed.

I like the resource part of the job. I don’t really like the writing part. I LOVE the students so much, and I like working with them in writing class, but I don’t like the reception I’ve been given. I feel like I’m not getting any guidance or feedback. Am I doing this right? Am I following any sort of plan?!

OH GOD WHY WON’T ANYONE HELP ME I HAVE BEEN TEACHING ON MY OWN FOR ONLY FIVE WEEKS

Deep breath in….aaaand out.

On that note, I’ve decided to start doing yoga again. I really, really need to. I went to a 2 hour class on Saturday, and it was my first time doing yoga in over a year. I felt so damn good. It hurt like hell the next day, but in a wonderful way. Oh hey, I do have a body, and yes, it would like to have some physical activity! Definitely want to keep going with yoga.

Sunday was James’ and my wedding shower! I have to give so much credit to my best girlfriends for throwing it for us. We don’t really have bridesmaids or groomsmen, so there was no obligation on their part to do it! I was pretty overwhelmed by the love.

Thank you so much to my amazing friends for throwing us this shower. It was absolutely beautiful!!

We cut our cake! 🙂 We’re having cupcakes at our wedding, so we won’t have anything to cut.

I cut way too big of a slice!!

All our best friends came! Hi best friends!!

My family came, which made me insanely happy!

My mom is my best friend. For real. ❤

We got really sweet cards and gifts. It made me feel a little overwhelmed to be the center of attention like this! 🙂

Mike and Emily got us a sloth card, because they know I’m a sloth!

Then all the adults went home, and it was just us cool kids. I say “adults” because, despite getting married in three weeks, I still feel like a kid most of the time.
So thank you everyone. It made James and I feel incredibly lucky. The wedding is just 24 days away, WHAT. Can’t wait to see you all there!!

So there ya have it. A few stressful moments, but mostly happy and lovely ones.
Love to all!

With love, not without love.

Posted on March 16, 2014 by modernclassic13

It’s been a week of reflection, contemplation, and understanding.
Chicago winters are unpredictable, and, as per my statement, today is very cold. “24 degrees, feels like 8 degrees”. We are now officially more than halfway through March. As a compromise to the bitter wind and last night’s brief snow, I have agreed not to be angry with my city, so long as I may stay inside all day, braless and wrapped in Jimmy’s cardigan.
Chicago complied.

I finished reading The Time Traveler’s Wife for the third time this afternoon. Regardless of my knowledge of the ending, I found myself holding my knees, surrounded in tear and snot-soaked Kleenex. I have found no better love story than this book. To be fair, something in this story sparks a kinship in me. Deep, unashamed love, wrapped in a world of pain, fear, uncertainty, and distance. Jimmy is not a time-traveler, and I am not a woman who must wait for his return, but the world has thrown us so many…dark pits, it sometimes feels as if the time we have is too short.

I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage. We are getting married on the last day of May, but I am already stumbling at “husband” and “wife”, although not for the reasons you may think. We are not married yet, but I already think of him as my husband. This one day, no matter how beautiful and memorable it will be, is not going to change anything. And that’s how it should be.

A few of my friends have gotten married or are getting married, and I can only shake my head at the things they post on Facebook. Today, someone posted about how they purposefully bought clothes smaller than their size so they could motivate themselves to get skinnier for their wedding day.
I can’t wrap my head around this.
It’s one day. No, it’s less than that. It’s about six hours. Then you’re married. It seems to me that everything after that prom-posed photo and the flower toss is what counts.

I’m not lying when I say that the wedding planning has, overall, been a very relaxing experience. It simply solidifies everything I thought we should be doing in the first place. I am excited to be married, don’t get me wrong. But, in my head, I already am.

I am far more excited about finding my first gray hair, finding Jimmy’s first gray hair. I can’t wait to file for a mortgage someday, and the inevitable nausea that will follow. If we decide to have a child, it will be awesome. If we don’t, it will be just as awesome. A baby is pretty cool, but it would never be my definition. It would be an amendment.

I can’t wait to look in the mirror and say, “Oh my god, my breasts are no longer high school perky.”
I want to walk to the grocery store from my apartment and feel the autumn wind in my bones.
I am excited to come home from a day of work and lay my head down on the table and sob from exhaustion.
When I suffer an identity crisis and wonder if I should be doing something else with my life, I will face that moment with optimism, as I face every moment.

This may seem weird to you, but this is what I think of when I envision marriage. Moments that would break me otherwise, if not for the undeniable strength I’ve gained throughout the years through myself, and through my partner. A marriage is not necessary. It is an institution. But I want to be married. I want to be, because it’s part of my future. I am the one who can jump forward, and my time-traveling self told me so.

The copy of The Time Traveler’s Wife I have has an inscription inside. It says, “For those long winter nights + cold mornings when all you need is a book, a pillow, + lights. Ricky 1/26/04” I want to know who Ricky is, and who this book was for. I wonder if they were a couple that didn’t survive. Is it possible that Jimmy and I won’t survive as a couple? It’s possible. My time-traveling self hasn’t given me any hints. But, whenever I ask her, old and gray and warm and strong, she simply smiles and closes her eyes.

And I know what this means.